MY FAMILY DISAPPROVES APPROVE OF MY LGBTQIA+ WEDDING. WHAT DO I DO?
Planning your wedding should be a time of joy, excitement, and celebration. But for some LGBTQIA+ couples, it can also come with the painful experience of family disapproval. Facing this kind of resistance can be heartbreaking, especially from the people you hoped would be cheering you on. It’s natural to feel hurt, rejected, or even confused when family members don’t support your relationship or wedding plans. But you’re not alone—and your love is worth celebrating, no matter what.
Navigating this challenging situation doesn’t have to wreck your special day. Your wedding day can still be a beautiful, meaningful event—even if it’s not celebrated as you originally envisioned. Here’s a guide to help you manage family dynamics, make decisions that prioritise your mental health and well-being, and create a wedding day that reflects your love and happiness.
1. UNDERSTAND WHERE THE RESISTANCE IS COMING FROM
It’s essential first to understand where the resistance is coming from, not to excuse it, but to help you decide how to move forward. Family members may struggle with internalised biases, societal norms, or religious beliefs that influence their reaction to your wedding. Knowing what’s driving their disapproval can help you determine whether to continue engaging in conversation or to set boundaries to protect your mental health.
QUESTIONS TO CONSIDER:
Are they worried about what others will think, or are they genuinely grappling with their own beliefs?
Is this resistance temporary, or have they previously shown signs of being unwilling to accept your identity?
Is there room for growth, or do they hold deeply ingrained beliefs that might not change?
TEDDY’S TAKE:
“Understanding your family’s perspective isn’t justifying their disapproval—it’s about helping you make the best decisions for your well-being. Know that their views don’t define your worth or the validity of your relationship.”
2. COMMUNICATE OPENLY AND SET BOUNDARIES
If you feel safe and comfortable doing so, have an honest conversation with your family. Approach the discussion with patience and empathy, but also be clear about your needs and boundaries. Express how their disapproval affects you and your partner, and set limits if necessary to protect your peace.
TIPS FOR CONSTRUCTIVE CONVERSATIONS:
USE “I” STATEMENTS: Focus on how you feel and what you need rather than on blaming or criticising. For example, say, “I feel hurt when you dismiss my relationship” instead of “You never support me.”
BE HONEST ABOUT YOUR NEEDS: Let them know what you need from them, whether it’s support, understanding, or simply a willingness to listen.
SET BOUNDARIES WHEN NEEDED: If the conversation turns hurtful, let them know you’re willing to continue when they’re ready to approach it more with empathy and respect.
TEDDY’S TIP:
“Remember, it’s okay to set boundaries. Boundaries are not about shutting people out—they’re about protecting your mental health and creating a space where love and support can thrive.”
3. LEAN ON YOUR CHOSEN FAMILY AND SUPPORT NETWORK
When your biological family isn’t supportive, your chosen family—friends, mentors, and allies—can provide the love, encouragement, and community you need. Your chosen family are the people who see you, accept you, and cheer you on precisely as you are. Surrounding yourself with these individuals can help you feel affirmed and loved.
WAYS TO INVOLVE YOUR CHOSEN FAMILY:
Include Them in Wedding Planning: Let your chosen family help you determine your attire, plan your hen or stag parties, or even officiate your ceremony. Their involvement can fill the space that might otherwise feel empty.
Create New Traditions Together: If traditional family roles like a father walking you down the aisle or a mother-son dance doesn’t feel right, create new ones honouring your chosen family’s support and love.
Seek Out LGBTQIA+ Support Groups: Join local or online LGBTQIA+ communities where you can share your experiences and receive guidance from others who have navigated similar situations.
TEDDY’S TAKE:
Your chosen family will be there for you in ways that go beyond biology. They’re the ones who uplift, celebrate, and support you unconditionally—so lean on them, and let them help create a day that’s filled with love and affirmation.”
4. RECONSIDER THE ROLE OF FAMILY IN YOUR WEDDING
It’s okay to redefine what role (if any) your family plays in your wedding. If their presence feels more like a source of stress or negativity, it’s okay to consider limiting their involvement or even having a ceremony without them. It’s your day, and you have the right to create a safe, joyful space for you and your partner.
OPTIONS FOR FAMILY INVOLVEMENT:
Limited Involvement: Invite family members to the ceremony or reception but set clear boundaries around their involvement in planning or decision-making.
No Involvement: If their presence would cause more harm than good, consider having a wedding without them. Surround yourself with people who celebrate your love authentically.
Separate Celebrations: If appropriate, host a separate, less formal event with family later. This way, you can keep your wedding day centred on love and joy while still giving family time to adjust or process.
TEDDY’S TIP:
“It’s okay to protect your peace and happiness. Setting boundaries around family involvement isn’t about exclusion—it’s about ensuring that your wedding day is filled with positivity, love, and the people who genuinely support you.”
5. FOCUS ON WHAT MATTERS MOST: CELEBRATING YOUR LOVE
Amidst all the complexities of family dynamics, remember what’s at the heart of your wedding: celebrating your love story. Your wedding day is about you and your partner—full stop. Whether your family is present, you can create a day filled with joy, authenticity, and love.
WAYS TO CENTRE YOUR DAY AROUND YOUR LOVE STORY:
Personalise Your Ceremony: Write your vows, include rituals or elements that reflect your shared journey, and make your day a true reflection of your relationship.
Infuse Your Personality into Every Detail: From music and decor to attire and readings, let your personalities shine through every aspect of the day.
Celebrate With the People Who Truly See You: Whether it’s a large celebration or an intimate elopement, surround yourself with those who affirm and support your relationship.
TEDDY’S TAKE:
“At the end of the day, your wedding is about the love you and your partner share. Create a day that truly celebrates who you are, and don’t let anyone’s negativity take away from that joy.”
6. SEEK PROFESSIONAL SUPPORT IF NEEDED
Navigating family rejection can be emotionally draining and challenging, especially when it’s tied to deep-rooted beliefs or biases. Don’t hesitate to seek professional support if needed. A therapist or counsellor who specialises in LGBTQIA+ issues can help you process your feelings, build emotional resilience, and develop strategies for maintaining your mental health.
HOW A PROFESSIONAL CAN HELP:
Facilitating Difficult Conversations: They can help guide family conversations or advise approaching challenging discussions.
Providing Emotional Support: They can help you process grief, anger, or sadness and provide coping strategies for managing these emotions.
Connecting You With Resources: Many professionals can connect you with local support groups, advocacy organisations, or online communities that offer additional guidance and encouragement.
TEDDY’S TIP:
“Reaching out for support is a sign of strength, not weakness. Seeking help can make a difference as you navigate these complex emotions and situations. The Married By A Teddy LGBTQIA+ Resources page is a great tool for discovering professional and community support resources which can support you during this time.
FINAL THOUGHTS: YOUR LOVE IS WORTH CELEBRATING—NO MATTER WHAT
Family disapproval is never easy to deal with, but it doesn’t have to define your wedding day. You and your partner deserve a celebration filled with love, joy, and affirmation—regardless of who’s in attendance. Surround yourself with people who see you, love you, and support your happiness. Focus on the beautiful relationship you’ve built, and create a day that’s true to who you are.